Reflections

Yesterday was my baby boy's 20 birthday.  He's all grown'd up now. 

Well mostly.  Men never really fully grow up, do they?

I remember how scared I was the night before he was born.  First time in a hospital.  First time having surgery.  Yes, he was measuring huge and all my levels were about to go toxic.    But, the surgery went well.  I had an epidural and did not feel a thing. 

Josh was born at 9 lbs and 21 1/2 inches long.  He was shaped like a little football player.

He was the cutest and sweetest baby boy you ever did meet!  He continued to be the cutest and sweetest kid as he grew.  

Even now.  Still one of the kind-hearted-est (new word) young men you would ever meet.  And darn handsome too. 

Oh look, there's Lexi too.  She also just celebrated a birthday.  She turned 19 four days ago.

When she was born, Josh wasn't even a year old yet.  I was still in the hospital on his first birthday.  I got to visit with him for about 20 mins. 

Lexi was also born by Cesarean.  the was 7 lbs 10 oz and also 21 1/2 inches long.  (how is it that I can remember these numbers, but not my cell phone #?)   She also was a very cute baby.

That's just how I make them.  =)

She didn't sleep for months.  At least not during the night.  She cried.  A lot.  A. LOT. 

She was a feisty child who was always willing to fight for what she wanted.  And now she is beautiful young woman, trying to figure out what she wants, so she can then fight for it.  =)

What amazing blessings these two have been.  As have been Sammantha and Vicki.  But they are another post! 

So a reflection of a different kind.  I got my hair cut.  I tried to get a self portrait to show off the new do. 
I am not very good at self portrait. 

So I tried using a mirror...

Not very good.  Can't even see the hair.  Wasn't that the point?

Well, here's the hair with a very poor quality photo. 

No more self portraits for me.

Refuge

From my Bible reading today, these words spoke strongly to me as I learn to trust in Him and anticipate His voice speaking into my life.

Psalm 5:3 (NAS)
In the morning, O Lord, you will hear my voice.
In the morning I will order my prayers to you and eagerly watch.


Psalm 5:11 - 12 (ESV)
11  But let all who take refuge in you rejoice;
         let them ever sing for joy,
     and spread your protection over them,
         that those who love your name may exult in you.
12  For you bless the righteous, O Lord;
         you cover him with favor as with a sheild.

Mourning....

... Mushrooms.

That's right.  I am mourning mushrooms.

No one in my house likes mushrooms.  I long to make a stroganof loaded with mushrooms, or wild rice with mushroom stuffing or... pretty much anything with mushrooms. 

I make an amazing wine sauce that just cries out for some lightly sauteed mushroom. 

*WAAAAAAA*

Oh tasty little fungi, how I long for your presence in my kitchen. 

One day we shall meet again at my cutting board.

I Dream of Karie

One of the reoccurring dreams that I have is of my friend Karie.  Karie passed away May 15, 2006 and these reoccurring dreams started very shortly afterwards.  I am always looking for her and sometimes I find her, and sometimes I don't.  Usually when I find her, she needs me to help her get away from something.  The dreams always leave me with mixed feelings.  A little unsettled, a little sad, and sometimes even a little happy to have seen her, even if it wasn't real.

The other night I dreamt of Karie.  But, this dream wasn't like the others.  I was with her in what was supposedly her apartment and we had no food.  I don't remember how it came about, but she got very upset with me and told me to leave.   My sleeping mind had me wandering the streets around her apartment, bumping into this person or that, and I just kept telling them that I didn't understand why Karie was so mad, and they all seemed to know what I was talking about.

I awoke from this dream feeling quite upset.  Why would my subconscious mind bring me these images.  Images of Karie mad and yelling at me? 

I understand the reoccurring theme of looking for her, as I miss her greatly and her life ended way too soon.  But, why an argument? 

It was disturbing.  I felt annoyed at myself, and hurt.  Like it was real and Karie really was mad.  I hate those lingering emotions from dreams. 

Except the good emotions. 

So I share some pictures of the beautiful Karie with you and say a prayer for her beautiful daughters. 

I miss you Karie.