Chapter Two - Repetitive Conversations
It's funny how people always have endless opinions and advise about something that they have no experience with. I have had so many people tell me how I should feel about my birth mother, or my parents. Not one of those people was adopted. Not one of them lived my life or had the experiences I had. Yet, somehow they knew what was best for me. It used to make me really mad when people would ask me about my birth mother, and even after I said that I have no interest in finding her, would still ask if I was going to look for her. I had more than a few conversations that went exactly like this:
Friend: so you're adopted?
Me: Yes.
Friend: Do you know anything about your birth mother?
Me: Not very much, but I'm okay with that. I don't really have an interest in her.
Friend: Why?
Me: Because I have my Mom. I have my Dad. I don't want or need her to feel secure or know who I am.
Friend: Are you ever going to look for her?
Me: No, I don't think so.
Friend: Why?
Me: (insert head explosion here)
I am not exaggerating. Well, maybe about the head exploding part. That loop played out in conversation many times in my life. I had similar conversations with people who had known me for years and knew how I felt. Even they somehow felt that I must be wrong when I said I didn't want to find her.
Here's the thing; my feelings about my parents, being adopted and my birth mother are very personal. Just as those feelings are for any other person who is adopted. I'm totally okay with it. I have known other adoptees who feel like I do. And others who long for answers and feel incomplete without them. Even within one family with multiple adopted children, each child can have very different perspective and feelings. One should never automatically assume that just because someone is adopted, that they have a big hole in their life and long for a reunion with their birth mother. They could be totally at peace with it. I was. I have known many others who were.
Read the whole story
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This is a great post. I'm not adopted (...I don't think ;), but I think I almost understand. Me & my family are a lot different then most people we know. And, it's really annoying when people try to tell you what's right & wrong, when they don't really know at all. They know what's right for them. And that's fine. But it might not be what is right for everybody else. <3
ReplyDelete*Hugs!*
Jordan
Thank you Jordon. I think most people either just don't think before they talk, or they really truly think that know better what you need than you do.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, adoption can be a very painful subject for some people who are affected by it. We all should try to be more sensitive to that.
=)
I've come to the realization that I can only have opinions about my life. Period. Because even if someone has chosen much the same path as me... they're not ME. And that can make all the difference. I'm off to catch up on parts 3 & 4 now... :)
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